How To Be Found On Google

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Keys to Search Engine Optimization Success

If you are interested in knowing the secrets of search, how to be seen on Google, and getting to the number one spot for your keyword, watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.

This is not to be confused with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005), in which Mr. Wonka is played by Johnny Depp. Depp’s version of Wonka is a creepy, pale, annoying, weirdo. I’m talking about the original 1971 film, in which Gene Wilder plays Willy Wonka as a fatherly creepy guy, who explains what is right and what is wrong, the value of good manners, and important life lessons.

Willy Wonka in so many ways, is just like Google.

Google’s algorithm that determines where you show up in search is constantly evolving and becoming more complex. There are literally hundreds, probably thousands of metrics upon which Google determines where you will land on their web page given a certain search term. Nobody knows for sure what goes on in that algorithm except Google employees and owners.

What is known is that you cannot trick Google into altering a search engine results page (SERP). I will repeat, you cannot trick Google! Just like Willy Wonka, Google knows and sees all things in their factory. And just like Willy Wonka, Google will punish you for being a bad boy or girl. In this analogy, the Chocolate Factory is Google, and Willy Wonka is the search algorithm…and for the SEO professionals out there, I suppose we can think of the Oompa Loompas as Google Panda 4.0.

Willy wanted to make the world a better place by promoting good behavior, and exposed the bad behavior of the following 4 characters:

  1. Augustus Gloop, who can’t stop eating – targeted keyword practices
  2. Veruca Salt, who can’t stop being an insufferable brat – internal linking practices
  3. Violet Beauregarde, who can’t stop chewing gum – best practices for website design and page layout
  4. Mike Teevee, who can’t stop mumbling – best practices for web development and functionality

If Augustus were an SEO professional, his greed for food might have been shown through stuffing keywords all over a page in hopes to optimize a term. Google likes when people write original content that is helpful to others. Placing repetitive keywords all over a post or an article dilutes content quality.

SEO Lesson: Don’t be greedy trying to optimize keywords for search, good boys and girls should just write helpful content. Google will reward you for it.




Veruca, with her bratty self-centered demeanor, would be throwing links all over the place where they are unnecessary and irrelevant. Veruca always wants to be the center of attention without regard for others.

SEO Lesson:Google and Willy want you to be polite, patient, and behaved. Only place links when it makes sense to do so. Littering is rude, make the world a better place by keeping it clean.

Violet can’t stop chewing gum, it’s loud and annoying. If Violet owned a website it would be littered with distracting, annoying, loud advertisements. Best practices for online marketing will achieve better results, as well as preserve SEO rank. Putting ads all over the place in excess creates a bad user experience.

SEO Lesson: Google and Willy want you to be respectful to those around you, create a good user experience and you will be rewarded.


Mike can’t stop mumbling. If Mike owned a website, it would lag, be difficult to navigate, not work properly, and be incoherent at times. Google likes good websites, it’s a signal that you have taken pride in your craft and probably correlates to being a more professional and reputable organization. Retaining an internet consulting firm will decrease your risk of falling victim to the quality pitfall.

SEO Lesson: Google and Willy want you to have some self-respect. Be presentable, take some pride in your appearance.


Oompa Loompa Doopidee Da, you should abide by SEO law. Then you will live in happiness too, like the Oompa Loompa Doopidee do!

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On September 8, 2014

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